Little Ones

Well it was inevitable.

I've got two beautiful daughters and I knew sooner or later, some boy was gonna take a liking to one or both of them. Even at age 9, boys know, twins are where its at! So I was not shocked when I found out that some boy is eyeing one of my girls. They told my wife cause they knew better than to tell me....I will beat a little boy's ass, straight no chaser, I ain't playin! 9, 10, 11, whatever, you come to my house talkin' bout...can I speak to my girlfriend, (one of my twins) and chopping you're little baby pimpin ass head smooth off. My wife mentions to me in an IM convo that one twin snitched on the other and did not want me to know that the other has a "seeker". Now, I'm sworn to secrecy. Whatever. I'm still not pleased, but I digress as I understand that "puppy love" is part of the growth process.

Just as long as it stays innocent...I'm cool.

However, a bigger issue arose within me. In this day does innocence die a early death? The answer has to be "Yes, Scribe, go get a late pass". I'm talking about the pre-teens (7-11)! Not only have the become less innocent, but I think they take advantage of the fact that we don't expect them be guilty of anything. Who looks for a child with a .38 snub nose in his book bag? Or expects a group of ten-year old boys to rape one 10 year old girl? Yet this happens and more often then we'd like to admit, because no parent wants to believe their little child is capable of such acts.

I watched "The Wire" the other night and was not shocked at all that Omar was killed by what looked like a 10-year old. I was more shocked he was killed ( I thought he was gonna whoop Marlo's ass for sure), then by how he was killed. I am keenly aware that our little ones see, hear, and say more ish than they should. Our kids are exposed to video hoes and video game killers. They see the Hannah Montana and if they stay up late enough they get to see "Hannah does Montana". It's enough to drive any parent nuts. How do you protect your child, and allow them to grow at the same time? I keep wondering if the value system that Diva and me have established will stick. When some dude walks up to them and says, "Damn ma, you gotta fat ass" Will they giggle or will they feel rightfully disrespected and objectified? I guess it will depend on who's saying it.

I used to think that hiding things from them leaves them unprepared for when they are exposed to those very things. Now I'm like, nah...hiding some things might be a good idea. I think about my ex who let her daughter watch porn at 14 to "diffuse the excitement of sex"...um...I don't know about y'all but even the worst porn gets me a little excited. Now she's a pregnant runaway. Perhaps one does not have to do with the other, but I believe it was a contributing factor.

We used to say it was the parents. "Children raising children" was a popular catch-phrase in '90s. The teen-pregnancy rate dropped but then the suburban kids started really buggin' out, so then we blamed "hip-hop". I don't blame any one of the above. I think it all has an effect. I also think that parent's have to realize that raising children really is a crap shoot. You hope, you pray, you give everything, but in the end, you don't know if you're gonna come up snake-eyes and your kid grows up to be a homeless drug-addict or a bank robber.

I take heart in the fact that we are a "together" family. Diva and I read to our kids before bed, we take them out, we educate them, in short, we are not absentee parents. We are present and accounted for. We expect each other in every way shape and form. When one of us is not present, that person, and all of their idiosyncrasies, is missed greatly. While we don't eat at the table as much, we do talk as a family. It's my greatest hope that it is these moments that will sustain my children when they are exposed to something that threatens to fracture their lives. Do we tire as parents? Hell yeah. Do we make mistakes...name one parent that hasn't. But we never give up on our children and we never allow them to give up on themselves. When they are exposed to something "mature" we deal with that ish, right then and there, no beating around the bush either, we tell it like it is. If I had one piece of advice (as if I was in a position to give some) it would be to tell your kids the truth. Talk to them, and more importantly, talk to each other as parents. I can't tell you how many parents I have found that don't talk about their children to each other. They talk about them to others, but never too each other, unless it involves giving them something (Dinner, money, etc.)

While I joke about my little ones having a suitor, the truth is, I know, our little ones are not so little anymore; even when they are little.