Birthday Wishes for DJ Diva

It was not so long ago when I thought
I'd never meet someone like you.
Wrong was I, thinking I was in control
Believing I'd never fall.
For so long, I thought no one would melt a heart like mine,
a heart so cold, a heart hardened by the past,
protected by shields so vast.
Slowly I was falling without even knowing.
Only to find out too late I have no choice but to accept my fate.
I could dream, I suppose forever,
but the dream was really a self-inflicted nightmare.
Like all men, I needed love
really, I needed your love.
I lied when I said I wasn't looking for love,
at the time it didn't seem right,

I mean...

How do you tell someone you love them?
How do you say that they are all you ever wanted
and all you will ever need?
How do you tell someone that you will be there for
the losses and the victories?
How do you tell someone that you will be there through
good health and illness?
How do you tell someone you will love all the things that matter to them?
How do you thank someone for saving your life?

The first time you meet them.

Yes, in that Spanish bar, on Cinco de Mayo...I knew. Don't ask me how...I just did.

Honestly I think it was the calmness in your voice and life in your spirit
all of it was just...well...intoxicating....

Normally, I would go on and on about my feelings for you, but here, I wish to simply re-affirm to you that are my everything Diva and I will continue to dedicate my life to you.

Besides....tonight I will provide aTHOROUGH demonstration of my love and appreciation of you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY! mmmmmmmm..........Diva!

-Daddy!

Promises

I'm not him

and that's okay

but know,



I am not just the bedmate.



I am present

and

I don't make promises

I can't keep

because I know its not fair.



WE should not have to explain.

but WE do and WE will

for them.



I do not feel anger, rather, its sadness I feel,

for them.

They anticipate

and wait, and call,

and wait and



nothing.



Then,



A mid-week call



to promise again



It is then, that I am angry,

but I dare not disclose it,

because I refuse to be

the excuse and because

I refuse to play party to

maladroitness.

I am not him

and that's okay

but know,

I'm doing everything I can not to be.

Little Ones

Well it was inevitable.

I've got two beautiful daughters and I knew sooner or later, some boy was gonna take a liking to one or both of them. Even at age 9, boys know, twins are where its at! So I was not shocked when I found out that some boy is eyeing one of my girls. They told my wife cause they knew better than to tell me....I will beat a little boy's ass, straight no chaser, I ain't playin! 9, 10, 11, whatever, you come to my house talkin' bout...can I speak to my girlfriend, (one of my twins) and chopping you're little baby pimpin ass head smooth off. My wife mentions to me in an IM convo that one twin snitched on the other and did not want me to know that the other has a "seeker". Now, I'm sworn to secrecy. Whatever. I'm still not pleased, but I digress as I understand that "puppy love" is part of the growth process.

Just as long as it stays innocent...I'm cool.

However, a bigger issue arose within me. In this day does innocence die a early death? The answer has to be "Yes, Scribe, go get a late pass". I'm talking about the pre-teens (7-11)! Not only have the become less innocent, but I think they take advantage of the fact that we don't expect them be guilty of anything. Who looks for a child with a .38 snub nose in his book bag? Or expects a group of ten-year old boys to rape one 10 year old girl? Yet this happens and more often then we'd like to admit, because no parent wants to believe their little child is capable of such acts.

I watched "The Wire" the other night and was not shocked at all that Omar was killed by what looked like a 10-year old. I was more shocked he was killed ( I thought he was gonna whoop Marlo's ass for sure), then by how he was killed. I am keenly aware that our little ones see, hear, and say more ish than they should. Our kids are exposed to video hoes and video game killers. They see the Hannah Montana and if they stay up late enough they get to see "Hannah does Montana". It's enough to drive any parent nuts. How do you protect your child, and allow them to grow at the same time? I keep wondering if the value system that Diva and me have established will stick. When some dude walks up to them and says, "Damn ma, you gotta fat ass" Will they giggle or will they feel rightfully disrespected and objectified? I guess it will depend on who's saying it.

I used to think that hiding things from them leaves them unprepared for when they are exposed to those very things. Now I'm like, nah...hiding some things might be a good idea. I think about my ex who let her daughter watch porn at 14 to "diffuse the excitement of sex"...um...I don't know about y'all but even the worst porn gets me a little excited. Now she's a pregnant runaway. Perhaps one does not have to do with the other, but I believe it was a contributing factor.

We used to say it was the parents. "Children raising children" was a popular catch-phrase in '90s. The teen-pregnancy rate dropped but then the suburban kids started really buggin' out, so then we blamed "hip-hop". I don't blame any one of the above. I think it all has an effect. I also think that parent's have to realize that raising children really is a crap shoot. You hope, you pray, you give everything, but in the end, you don't know if you're gonna come up snake-eyes and your kid grows up to be a homeless drug-addict or a bank robber.

I take heart in the fact that we are a "together" family. Diva and I read to our kids before bed, we take them out, we educate them, in short, we are not absentee parents. We are present and accounted for. We expect each other in every way shape and form. When one of us is not present, that person, and all of their idiosyncrasies, is missed greatly. While we don't eat at the table as much, we do talk as a family. It's my greatest hope that it is these moments that will sustain my children when they are exposed to something that threatens to fracture their lives. Do we tire as parents? Hell yeah. Do we make mistakes...name one parent that hasn't. But we never give up on our children and we never allow them to give up on themselves. When they are exposed to something "mature" we deal with that ish, right then and there, no beating around the bush either, we tell it like it is. If I had one piece of advice (as if I was in a position to give some) it would be to tell your kids the truth. Talk to them, and more importantly, talk to each other as parents. I can't tell you how many parents I have found that don't talk about their children to each other. They talk about them to others, but never too each other, unless it involves giving them something (Dinner, money, etc.)

While I joke about my little ones having a suitor, the truth is, I know, our little ones are not so little anymore; even when they are little.

Podcasting for Beginners

The Queen of R&B, DJ Diva, has challenged me to channel the inner-podcaster within me. I accepted said challenge and have begun the process of gathering gems to launch:

Scribe's 18 Karat Hipsters (yep, Jazz)

Title Explanation:

18 Karat (adj.) --- All the way, full out.The Duke is a classy guy, his heart is "18 karat."

Hipsters (n) - A follower of the various genres of bop jazz in the 50's. These were the
precursors of hippies in the 60's.Those "hipsters" that hang out at Shelly's Manne-Hole are really diggin' the West Coast sound.

What I will play: The Essentials (Coletrane, Adderly, Davis, Montgomery, Roach, Getz, Brubeck, FitzGerald, Holliday, Jordan, etc.)

What I wll not play: All that other ish

No offense, but Jazz to me is not Kenny G, smooth jazz, etc. I understand some like it; podcast it then!

For some reason, Jazz has become this forgotten music, especially among Black people. White folks still make a killing off the art. Oh! Big shout to Herbie Hancock (whom, you won't be hearing...Essentials people, Essentials.) Whenever I play it in my office people look at me like I'm some high-minded, uppity-negro. High-minded? Yes! Uppity? Hardly.

Besides, Jazz is H-O-O-D!

Do you really think people went to see Max Roach at Small's Paradise to sip tea and quote Socrates? Please. Folks went to get high, look cool, party, dance, hook up, get laid, oh and listen to Max Roach. Kinda like us.

So....

Make sure you catch the Monday Mixtape with DJ Diva the "Off-the-Hooked-ness" in the podcasting business at djdiva.blogspot.com.

and...

Please listen to my Demo. (coming soon.)

Apocalypse!

My mother used to say..."Count your blessings...you could walk outside and get hit by a bus!"

That might not be so bad....read this:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/02/15/opinion/15fri4.html

Mr. Obama, will you PLEASE be my President?

Addressing the Bitchassness

"Do you even remember what the issue is? You just tryin' to find where the tissue is." -Kanye West

&

"Don't make me expose you to those folks that don't know you!" -Jay Z

Here we are, in the middle of a movement, and I'm having to address ish I've already paid for...literally. I, Scribe, owes no one ish. I am not in default. I am not non-compliant. In fact, I, Scribe have shown good faith, genuine purpose, and reliability. Jesus, I make myself sound like a Volvo! Seriously, we are trying to determine if a woman, a black man, a war hero, or a evangelical should be leader of the free world. Does Scribe really have time to deal with base ish? Hell to the naw. In the midst of preaching and reaching for prosperity, we should remind ourselves that we are still reaching. We should be ever aware that we are all but one ill fated moment from having to pick up the pieces and start anew. I do not write of God on my page much. Quite honestly, I don't feel qualifed enough, which is why it strikes me as hilarious that so many bloggers do. The God I believe in gave a great deal of power to man. He endowed us, I believe, with the idea that we can and should see and seek the sunshine in each other. Think about it. How much drama in your life right now is entirely based on issues when put into persepective mean absolutely nothing? Yet we embrace these issues, as if we need we are, wait, empowered by them? Let's address that as I wax poetically and psychoanalytically. I have found that people are actually empowered by bullshit.

Yep, its true. It comes from living mundane, routine, unfulfilling ass lives. This lifestyle consists of shuffling from the television station to the gas station and not adding anything of substance to your life in between. In this prison one is largely ignored and usually creates a facade to try to offset the feelings of lonliness. Victims seem to gain a greater sense of self-importance by being embraced for all the wrong reasons. To these people I say...knock it off. Its insulting. I gain no rise in self-esteem in blogging, no one should. This should be about saying what you want to say, not nulling the pain of a boring ass life. Normally, when I go on a writing hiatus its because I'm trying to find subjects that make me want to come back. I don't write to beat on my chest, talk about myself in grandiose terms, or to make others feel small. I write to illuminate truth. If I can't do that, then there ain't ish to write about. I frequent some of these pages, to be honest, you can almost smell how disengenious the authors are. Even more funnier, is when you know the author personally, and you know, there is not one shread of truth to their presentation.

As I told Diva the other day, I get respect, because I give it. I don't arbitrarily fuck people over. It isn't wired into my DNA to be that way. I wish more people here in the south respected that like people up north. Perhaps that's a blanket judgement I shouldn't make, but my experience has been that people back home recognize when somebody is being genuine. What I have noticed about southern folk is that come to you with judgements at the ready. They prod for flaws and harp on your mistakes. They do this more often when things in their lives are pretty sad. My guess is that they need to know another person is sad and pathetic like themselves. If they can't get you that way, then they try to intimidate you. Of course, all of this is an attempt to mask the truth about themselves (lesbian). You live with your cat and ain't had none since you and Johnny snuck downstairs and said to each other "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours." The funniest ones are the buff like ah-nold (gay male)....and really think they scare you. Negroes please....stop. Yall' remind me of negroes on line at a Chicken and Watermelon giveaway....typical.

All I expect from people is that they will reciprocate the respect I give them. Unfortunately, when people think they "know" you. Or because they did you a favor, they now have something "on" you it forces you to put them in their place.

So I will address this much here:

1. Respect my motherfuckin confidentiality. That's it. Stop being a Westminster contestant and give me my respect. All this "psuedo-phone thuggery" is corny. I don't care how big you are, or how much bass is in your voice. I don't need to hear all your fucking speeches. If you are threatened by me (skinny as hell) then you really must be as gay as many suspect.

2. Get on a weight loss plan, find you a man, or buy you a "Mr. Charlie" for those nights when your hand just won't do, but stop trying to make others feel inadequate cause you and cat are going at it every night.

I know, "Damn Scribe, why it gotta be all that?"

Cause, I haven't been right since the other night. I can't stand a self-righteous judgemental mofo. The other day, I had to deal with two and I need them both to know, I won't be intimidated, I don't need you, thank you and fuck you....I know what's up.

The Diva and me have gotten extra busy since being here. Its funny, because we've done more in the months that we've been here than most of the people we know that have lived here for years. She has absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, in fact she should be damn proud of herself, because at anytime during this process she could have thrown up her hands...but she didn't. She had conviction and she stuck with it. What I love about Diva is even though she's been through a bunch of bullshit in life, she doesn't carry it with her to every relationship. She never has been and never will be a bitter, full-of-shit ass, biddie. She's as solid as they come, and will not allow you to wallow in self-pity, bitterness, or sorrow. She lights up life itself, and invites you to do the same. The problem with most mofos in her gender is that they can't keep up.

I'm hella proud of her and if the bloggers on here spent a week in my home and then heard some of the bullshit that's said about her and me, then they would understand why I unequivocally expect those people who have soooooo much to say to kiss my ass on Thanksgiving in front of Macy's window.

Let the get money first church-goers say, "Amen". That's what I thought.